As I’ve previously discussed on this blog, I didn’t do a huge amount of preparation for expat life. I didn’t give too much thought to the practical difficulties, the language barrier, or indeed the many positives that would emerge from such a big life-change. I’m only 17 months’ in to this journey and it can be hard to see the positives as positives, as there is so much growth involved – and with growth comes growing pains. But, on a good day, I step back and, emerging from the fog, see 5 key changes to be happy about. Do you agree? Anything to add? Please leave a comment (see top or bottom of post).
1. You learn humility
In your previous life, you knew it all. You whizzed, deftly and expertly, through your professional, home and social life. Here, by contrast, you’re Bridget Jones in that playboy bunny suit on a fairly regular basis – the only one who thought the party was something that it’s not. You’re clueless, and out of your comfort zone; the people are weird, the food’s weird, (nice weird but still weird) they way they do stuff is just, weird. You have to ask how the most basic things of daily life function. You have to decipher notices in a foreign tongue. You have to speak that foreign tongue to get the answers you need and risk sounding like an idiot doing so. It is all, without a doubt, humbling; and I am trying to cast this in the most positive light. (Top tip: if you know anyone that needs bringing down a peg or two, advise them to consider a fabulous new life abroad in the sunshine 😉 )
2. You become braver
All of that humbling has a flip-side, though it may manifest as quite the opposite of ‘brave’.You might well spend the initial stages of expat life feeling afraid and at sea. But despite this, and paradoxically because of it, you are shoring up your bravery stores, until one day you find yourself doing previously unimagined things with ease. These aren’t necessarily big, important things – let’s say you’ve finally cracked how an Italian post office operates (actually, that one’s huge) – but they will almost certainly bring you a step closer to feeling integrated and less alien.
3. You become a better listener
If you’re learning the local language, you’ll be spending a lot of time listening. For the first year, you won’t do much more than that, and even when you do start having conversations they’ll probably feel a bit one-sided with you being on the side of nodding, and “si, si”-ing (in my case). But it’s no bad thing. There will be people that will want to talk to you and even ask your advice, regardless of your grasp of the language, and they’re not expecting a genius response. I have left so many conversations ‘in limbo’, wishing I could have said more, but simply not having the language to do so. However, I know that in English I would have felt compelled to have all the answers and wrap it all up neatly, when perhaps an open-end is just fine. I was being the listener, and that’s not to be under-valued! You can feel like quite a different person when your use of language changes. I have always veered towards being the life and soul of the party-type, whereas when I’m with Italians, I’m the one sitting back and having a quiet chat in the corner.
4. You learn what you value most
Your life gets stripped back when you move abroad. The friends and interests you spent years developing and gave so much of your time to, have gone. Yes, it can feel a bit bleak initially, but there is a positive here. The new friends and interests you acquire will be carefully chosen, and if there’s a language barrier, it acts as a kind of filter whereby you can’t and don’t rush in to situations unthinkingly. You potentially wind up with an ‘intentioned’ existence rather than an ‘accidental’ one. You’re more careful about what you give your time to. Your ambitions come into clearer focus. The things you value most get to take centre stage, without distraction.
5. You get smarter!
Learning a second language has many cognitive and mental benefits.* The ability to problem-solve, multi-task, negotiate and memorise, are all improved through the process of a learning a language. In general the mind becomes sharper and making decisions is easier; we become ‘critical thinkers’. As well as more open-minded and flexible from all that exposure to weird, foreign stuff 🙂 To top it all, the onset of Alzheimers/dementia is delayed in multilingual adults, so you can expect to hold onto your faculties for longer, hurrah!
*There are several articles about this online, I refer primarily to this one:http://examinedexistence.com/12-benefits-of-learning-a-foreign-language-2/
Truly, Madly, Italy 
Great article Helen, im sitting here in my house in Lecco alone, the fella has gone to play football. I have been here for 7 weeks now and i really appreciate your honestly and approach to the experience of Italia. Its so funny before i left everyone got carried away with my move to Italy, the romance of it all etc and i tried to maintain that it was just a place like any other, and the shine wears off after a while (ie when your savings are dwindling) and you just have to get on with life as normal. Its all such a rollercoaster of an experience one minute you find yourself at at restaurant or a sagre or up in the mountains cooking polenta and you feel you are living the italian dream and feel so lucky and other moments you are questioning everything including yourself and tired of the endless differences between Ireland and Italy. I only now realise and value the strength of Irish culture socially how we engage with eachother and the friendly little smile on the street or the positive comments i think the irish are quite supportive of eachother. So the challlenge is to acknowledge this, try not to mourn it and move on and try look at Italian society without comparisions and allow myself to be a part of it. Keep writing its lovely to read your observations! Jane x
Jane, so lovely to get your message, I’m glad you enjoyed the post, and I wish you every in bocca al lupo with your new Italian life. It’s certainly a challenge, a huge challenge for me, anyway. I think if you can connect with other expats it helps, and obviously learning the language well, too, but that all takes time. I’m that bit too far from Rome to make it viable to regularly attend expat events there, (though beginning to feel I should make the effort) and have only met one other english speaker here who has since moved back to the UK. I think ‘allowing yourself’ to be a part of the new community around you, as you put it, is exactly it, and to remember that no one’s expecting you to ‘be Italian’, they are crazy for the english language and usually delighted to meet us stranieri. We have relatives near Lecco, it’s beautiful. One day at a time, keep in touch 🙂
Reblogged this on Kappa Language School Blog.
Great thoughts – loved this. Travel can knock you back but then, if you’re lucky, “the kindness of strangers” puts you in a new and stronger place.
Thank you 🙂 yes indeed, not to be underestimated! Funny how the people can drive you crazy and give you hope all at the same time (Italians anyway!)
So true! I’d also add that you get to know yourself better and, on the good days, realize how strong you really are! Moving abroad is hard, but like your list suggests, so worth it!
Yes indeed Gina, there is a part at the end of that article that I mention (examinedexistence.com) that includes ‘self-realization/actualisation’ as one of the benefits of learning a second language, and it’s so true, you get to know yourself and improve yourself too! Thanks for reading
Truly inspiring! Every time I read your blog I am touched by your strength, wisdom and resilience. Feel very proud of you, dear cuz xxx
Appreciate that very much!
Bravo Helen! Pure dogged determination will see you through whatever challenges Italy throws at you. Keep up the good work my lovely. X
Grazie mille! X
Sorry it’s Mum of that other expat!
Hi Katie, yes I took my parents to miss muffin last week, where a variety were sampled and enjoyed! Thanks for reading 🙂 hope all well
Always enjoy reading your blog hope you are all well Helen and keeping up your visits to that coffee shop! To improve your language skills obviously!